I don’t think you ever get over an anxiety induced eating disorder. I think you just learn to manage it – and when you are feeling low or poorly it is the first thing to get you down. There will always be that crack under the surface and I need to keep it from opening up again.
I have been off my medication for a little while now and that has been going OK. I have had a couple of “episodes” where I know I am being irrational or that I haven’t dealt with something very well but they are few and far between and usually come when I am really tired or hormonal! I am mostly pretty happy now.
Something I am trying to balance up at the moment is how I am coping with my stress levels. I am having a bit of a hard time relaxing again and I am definitely taking on too much! This then leads to the bad or nonexistent eating habits creeping back in. I either forget to eat completely or eat the wrong things and feel terrible afterwards.
What I need to remember when this all comes to a head and I am struggling with my appearance is that it doesn’t matter. I have put on weight during my recovery, which I knew had to happen for me to be healthy and most of the time I am OK with that. It’s when I am stressed and tired that this goes out of the window.
I am working on a plan that I can stick to so that I can try and keep things balanced and avoid having to go back onto any medication. I hope that I can stick to this but there is a whole lot of looking after myself that I need to do and in times like this I really need to put myself first!
This is 100% the hardest thing for me to do. I always take on everyone else’s stresses and cover for people when they are poorly but I don’t give myself the time I need to be able to cope with everything.
I need to learn from the past and take the time I need to be able to deal with this. I don’t want to be poorly again and I am going to have to work really hard to make sure I don’t slip back into the way I felt before.