I’m going on holiday tomorrow! Time to chill out, recoup and have some time to relax. However, think someone forgot to tell my anxiety…I still have the Sunday night worry and I am overly concerned about how things will go at work whilst I am away.
I cant control anything that happens when I’m not there and I’m sure it will be OK – after all it is only a few days in the grand scheme of things. Plus its not like anything bad will happen to anyone so why do I worry? I worry because I don’t like leaving things to other people to manage, I worry because I don’t want other people to be stressed out and have extra work put on them and I worry because I lose control of things for a week.
I realised a long time ago that I am big on knowing everything and being in control when it comes to my work. I am the one that ends up fixing anything that goes wrong and in order to do my job effectively I need to know what is happening. I need to know how we are approaching something or if something is possible.
I have been trying for a while not to feel like I am taken for granted, this is pretty hard to do. I think when you have been somewhere for such a long time people begin to just assume you will always be there, they assume you will always be around and focus their attention on other people. This is easy to let happen when you don’t want to cause a fuss – I am very British when it comes to things at work. I wont ask for a pay rise even if I think I deserve it and I wont say that I feel like other peoples opinions are valued over mine. I don’t want to upset anyone.
I think this is why I get so stressed out when I am away because I don’t want to let anyone down. I cant get out of the habit of feeling like I am putting pressure on people when I am not there and then it makes me worry.
Once I am away I know I will shut off from everything but until then let the worrying commence!