One of the things I suffer with is body dysmorphia. This is something that comes and goes but has popped its head up with vengeance recently. To the point that I cant even bear myself in the clothes I am wearing. This is somewhat inconvenient when this happens on a train at 7.30 on a Monday morning!
To top that off one of my fellow passengers decided to bump into me with a coffee, so not only do I feel like I look terrible I am also covered in coffee. All I can think about as I sit on this train trudging along to London is “what the hell am I going to do dressed in coffee stained clothes all day?!” Not good for your average normal person let alone me! I am using all of my logic techniques to get through it but this doesn’t appear to be helping!
The problem isn’t so much the dysmorphia in this situation but the fact that when I already felt rubbish in myself I am also now covered in another person skinny latte with extra foam! Pretty sure there is a caramel syrup within this mess too! Quite the beverage to be covered in I can assure you.
Body dysmorphia is a strange old beast and I am sure that what everyone else is seeing (even today) isn’t anywhere near what I am seeing but it really knocks your confidence and makes the day that little bit harder to deal with. The 8 different outfits at 6 o’clock this morning, the worrying about what people will think when they see me and the fear of eating all come over quite hard. I guess you just need to own it and plough on (easier said than done) so that is what I am going to do.
I wanted to share this little extract because it isn’t something I talk about much and I find it difficult to speak about because its a feeling I don’t really understand. It is irrational and I know that but it is one that I cant seem to shake.
So wish me luck on my coffee stained Monday! I’m going to need it!