I have been trying to work out how to manage my stress and keep myself acting normally at the same time. In my work I seem to end the week feeling really stressed and overwhelmed, one small thing can push me over the edge.
I take on too much and end up letting things consume me, they get into my head and I cant focus on anything else. I pile more and more on and it gets too much. In the position I am in there is always an element of stress and a lot of responsibility but at times I am in a position where I have to take on more (even if I don’t want to).
The thing that is new is trying to work out how I can manage my behaviours to stop me spiralling and ending up needing to hide away. Friday this week as a classic example of this. I was under a lot of pressure and I needed to resolve a lot of issues and by 10.30am it was too much and I had to break away. I was tearful and panicky very much struggling with the day and if I think back I could see it coming. I knew that all of the extra things I had to do were too much for one person and I was working into the small hours every night.
On Friday the first thing I did was blame myself and felt like a failure – like I would be better off if I packed it all in. I was embarrassed and upset that I wasn’t able to manage everything. I was also angry that I was expected to, that some people thought that it was acceptable to pile things onto me and expect me to fix them. The only thing I did wrong was take on too much and not delegate.
It’s OK to say no and not take everything on but it is not OK to blame yourself or let anything or anyone make you feel like you are weak and should quit. Spending the last few years recovering isn’t something that I want to give up on and I am determined to keep going but I will be balancing my health and my work differently from now on!