I’ve never been very confident. Never the popular one or the pretty one. I’m more of a corner person. I would sit and watch and wait for people to accept me. Even when they did I struggled to believe and trust that people wanted to be friends with me.
Now that I am older I hope to pass onto people my experiences so that they know that things can get better. What I have learnt (or should I say what has been made apparent to me) is that the hardest thing to do is follow your own advice!
I know that I need to trust people when they say they want to be friends with me and not worry that they are just playing a game but this is something that takes time. I also know that I shouldn’t worry about how I look all the time. Having confidence in myself is something that I have to work on. I am so quick to tell other people how great they look or how size doesn’t matter but when it comes to myself I really struggle.
Of all of the things that I have been working on within my recovery this is the hardest. This is the one that I can’t quite nail down. I still struggle with my eating and my general appearance, I still think that I am fatter than I am and when I weigh myself I get very sad at the numbers. I know it isn’t the be all and end all but it gets into my head and I really struggle to ignore it. It is my nemesis and a constant battle that I think I will have for the rest of my life. My ultimate goal is to accept myself for who I am.
I need to listen to my own advice and take it all on board. Find my inner happy!!