Fight or flight 

This is a strange one for me as it is something that I still struggle with. I describe it as fight or flight as this seems to make the most sense. It’s just at that time there doesn’t seem to be much fight. 

This is a way to discribe what happens when a switch is flicked in my head and from that moment my mind has made the decision that I need to leave – either right now or at a set time. I’m still working on how to fight this and bring the logic back into things but it really is a tough one. 

Take travel for example, I am often travelling back and forth to London with my work. If I have been booked on a certain train home, my head and the anxiety ball in my chest, are insistent that I MUST get that train. I can work through the process of what will happen if I don’t get it and I know that there is always another train but from that moment I get stuck in my own head. I’m blinkered to everything else. It’s like a darkness and all I can think about is catching that train. Anyone that has travelled with me could tell you how dead set I become and from that point it seems like a thankless task to change my mind. The people closest to me really do have to put up with a lot!! You have no idea how grateful I am they are still around! 

Travelling isn’t the only time this happens, nights (and days for that matter) out have the same thing. I get tired and from that point my mind seems to give up. It’s like it switches itself off, can’t be bothered anymore and the rest of me has to follow. I do try to push myself further into the next activity but I become quite vague and in my head I start working out the timings if I stay and how long it will take to get somewhere and company wise I may as well not be there.  

This is a constant battle and one that I am working really hard on. In this moment I think it is important to share the way I am feeling so other people can help fill in the logic gaps, help to find the options and bring me back into the room. 

I will often work through options when I am feeling anxious about the week ahead or a particular event. Talk though each of them and work out the best plan of action. My family and friends are really good at doing this with me. We talk though the different options, sometimes coming up with new ones and find the best solution. This gets rid of the angry ball of angst in my chest and helps me to live my life rather than just worry about it! 

There are so many opportunities and experiences that I hide myself away from because I don’t feel happy about them. Talking these through and having the right support makes these things easier and I always really enjoy myself once I am there! 

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