Smoke and mirrors

What you see isn’t what you get!

Something that anyone with eating issues or body dysmorphia will know is that what you see in the mirror isn’t what other people see in real life.

This can be pretty weird to understand if you aren’t going through it. Take me for instance. Logically a size 8-10 I know this. I read the labels on my clothes…a lot!! I have been known to buy clothes because they are a smaller size…everyone does that right?!?!?

Talking to a friend of mine today we were discussing the logic (or lack thereof) behind this strange mind trick. In your head you feel ‘blobby’, ‘fat’, ‘like you are expanding’. You know that you’re not but it is really hard to get rid of this feeling. This can then lead to feelings of disgust and even purging to get rid of the feelings and feel empty again.

There is no explaining why this happens to some people. I am of the opinion that it happens to everyone at some point, not to the same extent but I am sure that everyone has woken up in the morning looked in the mirror and thought…meh!

One thing that I can say with this is that avoidance isn’t helpful. I have found that a photo can open you up to a different mindset, show you a different version of yourself. You should also tell people how you are feeling and listen to them when they tell you they love you anyway.

I know this is hard and difficult to believe sometimes – the logic disappears you compare yourself and start ‘mind-reading’. You think you know what people are thinking and that they are judging you; turns out they aren’t!

Think back to the last time you went out with a group of friends – can you remember what they were wearing? How they had their hair? Probably not…this is because the feelings and the reality are very different.

I constantly compare myself to other people, sit feeling flabby and horrible and avoid looking in the mirrors. I can’t enjoy myself when I feel like this, I struggle to get out of my own head. I hide myself under baggy jumpers and blankets to make myself feel better. This is something that comes and goes and the logic needs to be clicked into gear to make sure it goes away a lot faster.

I have found a selection of outfits that (for now) I am happy in, a style that I am comfortable with and this has helped a lot with the dreaded morning ritual of getting up and dressed! I still have days when I will get changed 20 times before I leave the house but they are less frequent now as I start to believe that its not as important as I make it out to be.


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